Showbits

Today is the premiere of Eclipse, the third film in The Twilight Saga, a cinematic adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's series of romantic vampire novels. The movies have been lambasted by many men and fantasy enthusiasts for defanging vampires and for wooden acting, and today's release will likely send such critics scurrying before stampedes of fanatic women and "Twilight moms".

Breaking that stereotype, I find myself eager for this latest release. Sparkly vampires aside, these movies have incredible potential that few filmgoers recognize. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner have not created an epic romantic tale that casts them as romantic role models for teenagers everywhere. No — what they've done is play the straight man enterprising comedians. Thank goodness for RiffTrax, the satirical commentary provided by the geniuses behind MST3K, for completing this partnership.

Although the riffers' access to Eclipse will likely be delayed until the home video release sometime in November or December, the first two films in the franchise have already provided the team with comedic fodder. It's the only way I've allowed myself to be exposed to the films, and everyone in the audience, including fans of the books, found it to be a roaringly good time. So while you're waiting to bring Eclipse home, don't be shy about being seen with Twilight:

or New Moon — currently available with the previous riff for $2 off!

Although the Twilight series has recently popularized vampires, these demonic creatures have long been enjoying a slow but steady resurgence, as evidenced by pre-Twilight television shows such as True Blood. Their current form — less depraved murderers and more hot, cursed dudes — can perhaps be traced back to the Sarah Michelle Gellar vehicle Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What if that heroine and Twilight's hero were paired? Likely Ms. Meyer's franchise would meet an abrupt end:

Similar to the upcoming Harry Potter finale, the fourth and final Twilight book will be split into two films, meaning we can expect two more years of hilarious spoofs. May the sun never set on such ripe opportunities!

Tomorrow makes a month since the series finale of Lost, and I still don't understand what the fervor was over. Having cancelled my television service a decade ago, I've relied on DVDs to keep me abreast of shows I'd otherwise miss, such as Heroes, Firefly, Big Bang Theory, and Enterprise. Given the financial and temporal commitments to these shows, Lost never made the cut, nor did it ever come recommended to me by anyone with tastes similar to mine. All I knew was that it was a show that demanded a viewer's utmost attention, sometimes even repeat viewings, lest a single but significant detail be overlooked. Lost didn't seem to attract fans so much as followers.

Fortunately, legions of YouTube artists have stepped forward to fill me in on what I've missed. First came a summary of the show, focusing on the finale, using Post-It notes:

Seriously? That's what the show was about? I thought it featured an evil corporation, secret laboratories, conspiracy theories, and sharks. It is in fact a fantasy/sci-fi show? That's… absurd.

So absurd, in fact, that it deserves to be retold with LOLcats:

If, after all this, I nonetheless became obsessed with the show and wanted a detailed chart of where everything on the island happened, my geographic wishes have been fulfilled.

Fortunately, none of this has changed my lack of desire to get Lost. Now, what else in TV land am I missing?

(Hat tip to ROFLrazzi)

Film directors must work with an intrinsic limitation: whatever story they've set out to tell, they have only two hours in which to tell it from beginning to end. Wrapping everything up in time sometimes requires either a deus ex machina or a dramatic climax that strains readers' suspension of disbelief. Given that we checked such logic at the door, it's rarely a problem to continue accepting the movie's reality up until the end credits — but does that mean it couldn't have been done even better?

How It Should Have Ended is a series of animated re-imaginings of popular film endings. Having assumed you've seen the original film, the shorts present their own interpretations of key points of the stories, resulting in dramatically different endings. The series was started as a fun side project that non-viability threatened with extinction; fortunately, Starz media network provided HISHE's creators with the incentive to keep going.

With Iron Man 2 due out in a few days, it seems timely to review its predecessor's conclusion. That last battle always did strike me as a bit forced. Here's how Iron Man should have ended:

The confab with Superman, Batman and Spider-Man is a running gag that alludes back to earlier videos.

Not all HISHE shorts are consistent within their films' universe; sometimes, their non sequiturs apply a sort of meta-awareness of Hollywood. A good example is how Star Trek should have ended:

I imagine hardcore fans might not cotton to their favorite films being parodied in such a manner — the Lord of the Rings spoof is especially threatening to such fanboyism — but we're here to enjoy ourselves, and anything that uses film to get us to laugh at ourselves as well is a means to that end. Check out HISHE's full library of over two dozen reinterpretations. What film ending would you like to see added to their collection?

I hope everyone had fun this April Fool's Day. The creativity that webmasters pour into their public images this day is always a treat — whether you rely on YouTube for ASCII art, ThinkGeek for a reason to buy an Apple iPad, or Google Topeka to find all this and more.

Sci-fan fans found a treasure trove of licensed products today at ThinkGeek. The most delicious of them all: Tribbles 'n' Bits cereal. Fresh from the replicator, it's the the perfect wake-up for any Star Trek fan. Don't worry — the breakfast treat is entirely vegetarian, being composed of wheat, rice, rye, and quadrotriticale. If you'd like some company in the mess hall, and the enclosed Captain Pike action figure is too binary a conversationalist (which is still one state more than the monolith action figure can offer), there's one cool tribble who might accept such an invitation. Don't set the date just yet; though this cereal may be a product of the 23rd century, it could prove popular enough to warrant warping into our reality, as previously happened with their tauntaun sleeping bag.

Regardless of the cereal's fate, kudos to ThinkGeek for such a clever array of surprises today. They're almost on par with the more literary jests of StarTrek.com, which a half-decade ago offered such insider jokes as "Your Mirror Universe Twin and You FAQ", "Several New Star Trek Pilots Rejected", and more. Even three years later, the closure of StarTrek.com as we knew it is one I still lament. Thank you, ThinkGeek, for filling that gap.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! To commemorate this important holiday, I give you three of Ireland's most cherished performers, united in song to give you that most moving of melodies:

Tomorrow is America's Thanksgiving Day, on which we as a nation declare that nothing brings a people together like the communal devouring of a dead animal's burnt flesh. As a vegetarian, I believe there are better ways to use 46 million birds this holiday season. If we must exploit the animal, why not use turkeys' mathematical properties to address such burning scientific issues as these?

Happy American Thanksgiving, everyone!

I've never seen 24, but I think its protagonist, Jack Bauer, is a cross between MacGyver, Chuck Norris, and Maxwell Smart, using whatever means are at his disposal to keep our country safe from terrorists. But what if Bauer and his team had existed 15 years ago — would they be nearly as effective with the technology of 1994?

Being a veteran of early online communities and a staunch supporter of the hardware that ran them, I can say with confidence that the above video is remarkably accurate. We may love to sugar-coat the past… but it sure is easier to get things done now!

What other shows do you think would require signficant revamping if transplanted to a modern context?

In August, RiffTrax brought their Mystery Science Theater 3000-style humor to the big screen with RiffTrax Live, in which their mercilessly mocking of Plan 9 From Outer Space was streamed to theaters nationwide. Unlike their webcasts, which often buckled under unexpected popularity, the theatrical experience was nearly flawless — and apparently a financial success, given their rerun of the same show (obviously no longer live) two months later.

Now, RiffTrax, with guest star Weird Al Yankovic, is getting into the spirit of the season with a reprise that puts various holiday specials under the scrutiny. RiffTrax Live Christmas Shorts will perform the evening of Wednesday, December 16th, with a recorded repeat the following night. Judging from the trailer, the lineup appears it may be a mix of both new material and old, such as the public domain short "A Visit to Santa":

I ordered my tickets at $11 each, which is pretty standard for a moviegoing experience nowadays. RiffTrax offers a better value for the money than any other film, though, as the two-hour showing sends you home with a code good for the download of a RiffTones holiday song, two of the evening's shorts, an autographed photo of the riffers, and a holiday desktop wallpaper.

So get into the holiday spirit with this family-friendly evening of comedy!